I Bet Your Probabtion Officer Hates You As Much As I Do

It’s been a very long time since I last posted a rant.  Not that I have not seen things on almost a daily basis that show just how screwed up people are mind you, I just have not had time to actually sit down and post things.  (I have a pretty large back log of things to post). Anyway, something happened to me this past weekend that I just had to take the time out to post, so here you go.

The family and I were out shopping at Sam’s club over the weekend and while innocently minding our own business getting our own shopping done, this Fucktard walks up to me and starts talking.  Right there you know it is not going to go well.  I never understand why someone would walk up to a complete stranger and start babbling their nonsense, but I get it all the time.  Anyway, this lovely young lady (looked to be about mid twenties) dressed in very short shorts (the better to show off her god-awful tattoos on her legs), flip-flops (which by now we should all know are NOT shoes)  and a skimpy halter top which showed her belly rolls, along with her mother and three kids comes up to me and says “Hey, you look like my probation officer, do you work in probation?”  I look at her and say “No”.

Now you would think that this short, to the point, one-word answer would discourage further conversation.  In a non-Fucktard’s world it would.  But by now we all know that this is not where we live.

So she then says, “Are you sure?”  Now, I know where I work, so I again say “No, I do not work in probation”.  She continues this inane conversation by then saying “well maybe you are related to him then, are you related to John Y something or other?”   (Name changed to protect this poor soul who has to deal with Fucktards like this’ identity – See I protect other’s privacy and do not announce names of other people to total strangers).  I again say,”No, sorry I do not know him”.  She then finally says “Oh, OK. Bye”.  (Like we were friends now)  After she walked away, my wife heard her mother say something to her and she replied “Oh, I don’t care if anyone heard me”.  And there you go.

That is the problem right there.  You are such a Fucktard that you do not care that you have announced in front of the world and your children that you have been arrested and are on probation.  I expect that John Y will be seeing a lot of you in the future since you obviously are not smart or care enough to try not to brag to total strangers just how big of a Fucktard you are.

The Dumbest Person Alive

Rainbow is a chick I used to work with and we had frenemy relationship based on that. I am using that false name for her as a snide comment because she thinks she is an artist. She also thinks she has magical powers, so there ya go! She was one of the dumbest people I knew, and I have known some true dummies. I thought I’d post some of her best short stories. Enjoy the stupidity and they are ALL TRUE.

She thought people in Canada (when the US does) and England (the UK) celebrated Thanksgiving.

She doesn’t know the proper/basic use of the words: see, saw, seen. She only uses SEEN. So when you would explain to her… “such and such was posted on the board for everyone to read” (at work) Her response is… “I seen that but didn’t understand it”.

After the September 11th attack, she asked me “where exactly is the middle east anyway”.

We used to get together for breakfast with another girl from work and during Michael Jackson’s second arrest for the molestation allegations we started discussing the whole thing, as many people were. When it was time for Rainbow to share her opinion she said… “well I think he is like a retarded person so he just likes being with kids”. The girl with us was 20 years younger than Rainbow… and the expression on her face told me that it was the dumbest remark she had ever heard before too.

She always bragged about what a great cook she is. One day I asked her what she was making for dinner and she said, “Hamburger Helper”!

She once asked a work associate in another state (Louisiana) what month/s it snowed there. She asked her not once… but two days in a ROW even though the woman explained to her that it rarely, if ever… snowed in the south. TWO days in a ROW.

Rainbow once told me on more than one occasion that when she was a child and tested before school that school district told her mother “she was borderline”. I asked what she meant and she answered with… “well, they said, like, I was almost retarded. Shows what THEY know”.  I just said “yeah” during her crazy retard cackling.

She went to the doctor for some minor surgery. After the recovery period, she asked him if she would have any of the problems she had read about on the internet. The doctor said… “No, you have far more problems to worry about”. She asked me if I understood what he meant. I had to lie and say no.

She went to a message forum for Chronic Fatigue suffers and proceeded to spout off her nonsense advice. A woman was discussing some pretty serious marital issues in her life and Rainbow suggested she get the book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus”. She said she got it and a six pack – it really helped her marriage.

She taught her 7 yr old son that he “should feel bad for women because they bleed every month”. Of course, he told the neighbors 7 yr old daughter he felt bad for her and why. The kid’s mother called Rainbow and chewed her out about it. Rainbow said, “oh screw her, she is just an idiot anyway”.

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(Footnote) I continue to get emails from Canadians who attempt to correct me about how they do celebrate Thanksgiving. No shit. I have in my post: She thought people in Canada (when the US does) and England (the UK) celebrated Thanksgiving. I know this fucktard. I know the Canadian Thanksgiving is in October. I don’t need you to continue to email me. The point of the whole statement in the post is to show the blatant ignorance of a person who thinks that the whole world celebrates the American version of Thanksgiving. That should have been a “given” per the entire article. You know, like you using common sense and intuitively understanding what a statement means in the complete context. I apologize that it is hard for fucktards to understand that. Duh.

I Don’t Care About Your Mom

Alright, my fans know I have to hire fucktards to do a super easy job that none of them can seem to do. I’d rather work with monkeys, even really pissed off ones with wings instead of these dumb asses.

Turdbrain has been spoken about before. You can read that old stuff about the way the sky confuses her here for some background. If you don’t feel like reading it, that’s ok I can sum it up for you with 4 very small words…. She…. Is…. An…..Idiot.

Turdbrain is the worst kind of idiot.. she is a passive aggressive fucktard. So the more you push her to DO to meet the requirements of keeping her job…. the more EXCUSES you get, and with the excuses come big long stories about her idiot life. I don’t CARE about her life, I am her manager, not her friend. I want her to shut her up and work, to be on time, and give me as little shit as possible. I want her to do well and make money, but I don’t want to be involved in her life.

As a prelude to this email, she sent me tonight… I should explain that she has worked for the company for six months at the time. Everyone in the office staff knows her problems; she has called off more times than she has worked. She has been late more times than she has been on time.  Twice I wrote her and said that “it’s obvious your life is hectic so let’s move you to a later shift so that you can be on time, be productive, and make money”. Doing this was as much for us, as it was for her.  She wanted to wait…. then proceeded to continue being late. Eventually, I told her tough shit, I was changing her schedule anyway.

Here is her email with bad spelling intact:

thank you, noted and APPRECIATED ….. and not a
moment too soon!

You’d think that with a short doctor’s appointment at
4 pm and taking her/mom back home (six miles TOTAL
travel) that I could easily be back home by 6 PM….
but, ah no, this is my MOTHER we’re talking about. I
came screetching in the driveway and tore into the
house at 7:40 to make sure I was signed in by 8:00pm
(my time) TRUSTING that you had already switched the
scheadule.
…….
Don’t ask me why mom had three bank cards but didn’t
know what a debit card is or how to use it. AND had to
know TONIGHT.

Don’t ask why the eye-glasses that she had an
emergency exam for and ordered two weeks ago (the ones
DUE today) had not been paid for and therefor had not
been ordered yet. [I dropped the ball on that one by
not checking back to confirm the payment.]

AND ESPECIALLY don’t ask how she got superglue on her
tongue! ……ack! [NOTE: luckily super-glue will peel
off a tongue if it’s not stuck to anything, {mumbling
here about angels and the grace of god etc} and if you
remove it soon enough….. ever scrape a tongue? it
moves…a LOT.]

lol and shaking my head …. it’s been a day!
Mom’s Alzhimers is not THAT bad (i keep telling
myself) lol the superglue was a “freak accident” but
dang my family has some of the most bizzare things
happen to it! lol

anyhow, thought you might see the humor in all
this….
sometimes you just gotta laugh …. or cry.

I choose to laugh. 😉

Well, Turdbrain I choose to ignore…. Don’t tell me all your problems. Everyone has their own, everyone gets their fair share.

 

 

 

I Love Natural Selection

I saw this on the news the other day and I just had to laugh and point this out. There was a story about a young man (in his early twenties) who was killed the other day because he was hit by a train. How the fuck do you get hit by a train? Did it sneak up on him then jump out of the weeds and smash him? Here’s a news flash for you Fucktards out there. If you don’t want to get hit by a train..Don’t walk on the tracks! This may seem to be something that wouldn’t be possible, but I assure you. Trains don’t leave the tracks for the most part. If you just can’t bear to walk around and avoid the train tracks, here is another tip. When that REALLY loud metal thing coming at you starts making a lot of noise move off the tracks. That big thing is a train and it can smash you. I just love natural selection.

 

Big Dumb Damn Donkey

One of the girls that work for me took Halloween and Trick or Treat off last night. She used AOL to Instant Message me and say she couldn’t work before 10 pm even though she had no children. She had to be there to answer the door. I mentioned that Trick or Treating is usually from 6-8pm to her. She said, “Oh no, it runs until 10 pm here.” I would love to know what fucktard community runs trick or treat until 10 pm on a school night. Kids coming home at 10 pm need more time sort through their candy, clean up their costumes, run off their sugar high, and then get ready for bed. She was, of course, full of it. She was late again today. She used AOL again versus calling and actually talking to someone. So she was late, but then she starts to babble…..

she said….. turdbrain2 [6:23 P.M.]: the sky gets so dark so early now that it confuses me

She is confused alright. But the sky did not cause it. What an ass!