Stupid Reader Email

Sometimes people send us an email. A few in the past have been valid, maybe catching something that just didn’t read well in a post. We have touched up those little errors.

Sometimes really dumb people email us too. We call those people FUCKTARDS and we dedicated this website to them years ago.  We recently got a message! Enjoy the stupidity, misspellings, and lack of cohesive sentences. We think this ninny took the descriptive VERY personally…. we don’t wonder why.

Lesson: If you ever feel compelled to send an email to someone you do not know on the internet in order to judge them, critique their work, or just add your 2 cents….. please try to have some actual sense.  And be brave enough to use your name and real email address. WIMP.

Love from all of us at FucktardRants XOXOXOXOX

Name: Fucktard

Comment: you are a fucktard. Don’t get me wrong but i actually visited your page by mistake while googling and just wanted to say that you seem so shallow, idiotic and a blond teenage girl who likes just to talk about the little details that happen in your life i don’t know you but just wanted to say fuck you and all people like you. fucking fucktard get a life and don’t act so clever. Bitch.(and sorry for my language but well i hate all living creatures like you who thinks they are so intelligent. i bet you think everyone likes you but behind your back your the laugh of the night no one wants to be with you or invite you but you still act like your needed in planet earth.Know what this is such beautiful paragraph i wrote, i’ll copy it and send it to every wannabe clever fella i see, peace asshole.

Time: March 5, 2015 at 12:36 am

IP Address: 2.51.27.194

Second email sent about 20 min later.

Comment: After a second thought as i go through your rants i believe that, while your so desperate to make your life worth living. I feel pity for the humans the have to deal with your shit on daily basis. Well trust me no one loves you or give a shit about you. You may think your smart, intelligent and so on but as reading on i actually had fun as well enraged by how come such immature person like you works a decent job. Well enjoy your life ranting or hating your own life don’t know but sure your writing was fun. Bitch.

The Dumbest Person Alive

Rainbow is a chick I used to work with and we had frenemy relationship based on that. I am using that false name for her as a snide comment because she thinks she is an artist. She also thinks she has magical powers, so there ya go! She was one of the dumbest people I knew, and I have known some true dummies. I thought I’d post some of her best short stories. Enjoy the stupidity and they are ALL TRUE.

She thought people in Canada (when the US does) and England (the UK) celebrated Thanksgiving.

She doesn’t know the proper/basic use of the words: see, saw, seen. She only uses SEEN. So when you would explain to her… “such and such was posted on the board for everyone to read” (at work) Her response is… “I seen that but didn’t understand it”.

After the September 11th attack, she asked me “where exactly is the middle east anyway”.

We used to get together for breakfast with another girl from work and during Michael Jackson’s second arrest for the molestation allegations we started discussing the whole thing, as many people were. When it was time for Rainbow to share her opinion she said… “well I think he is like a retarded person so he just likes being with kids”. The girl with us was 20 years younger than Rainbow… and the expression on her face told me that it was the dumbest remark she had ever heard before too.

She always bragged about what a great cook she is. One day I asked her what she was making for dinner and she said, “Hamburger Helper”!

She once asked a work associate in another state (Louisiana) what month/s it snowed there. She asked her not once… but two days in a ROW even though the woman explained to her that it rarely, if ever… snowed in the south. TWO days in a ROW.

Rainbow once told me on more than one occasion that when she was a child and tested before school that school district told her mother “she was borderline”. I asked what she meant and she answered with… “well, they said, like, I was almost retarded. Shows what THEY know”.  I just said “yeah” during her crazy retard cackling.

She went to the doctor for some minor surgery. After the recovery period, she asked him if she would have any of the problems she had read about on the internet. The doctor said… “No, you have far more problems to worry about”. She asked me if I understood what he meant. I had to lie and say no.

She went to a message forum for Chronic Fatigue suffers and proceeded to spout off her nonsense advice. A woman was discussing some pretty serious marital issues in her life and Rainbow suggested she get the book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus”. She said she got it and a six pack – it really helped her marriage.

She taught her 7 yr old son that he “should feel bad for women because they bleed every month”. Of course, he told the neighbors 7 yr old daughter he felt bad for her and why. The kid’s mother called Rainbow and chewed her out about it. Rainbow said, “oh screw her, she is just an idiot anyway”.

---

(Footnote) I continue to get emails from Canadians who attempt to correct me about how they do celebrate Thanksgiving. No shit. I have in my post: She thought people in Canada (when the US does) and England (the UK) celebrated Thanksgiving. I know this fucktard. I know the Canadian Thanksgiving is in October. I don’t need you to continue to email me. The point of the whole statement in the post is to show the blatant ignorance of a person who thinks that the whole world celebrates the American version of Thanksgiving. That should have been a “given” per the entire article. You know, like you using common sense and intuitively understanding what a statement means in the complete context. I apologize that it is hard for fucktards to understand that. Duh.

Only a Man is This Dumb

I don’t just have a period like many women. It’s not my “friend” visiting. It’s the god damn red river that flows from me. I’m on the rag right now. I hate it, I have PMS and the last fucking thing I need is something to set me off.  But some fucktard has to come along and screw up my day. I did not even leave the house, but you don’t have to apparently. OK, so I have and use the brand Always Pads.  I open a clean pad out of the wrapper and go to the back to expose the tape. I can see something black inside my pad. WTF is that? It looked creepy enough that I wiggled it and it was stiff. Something was not right, and even a fucktard could tell that. I got a new pad, but I kept the weird one to show my husband later. A while later we both looked at it, we both had confused looks on our faces. We tore it open. Inside was black tape, kind of like duct tape for lack of a way to describe it. Some frickin moron at the PAD factory must have had a quota to meet to maintain their job. And accidentally cut my pad. In order to cover up the mistake, they made they literally TAPED it back together. Only a man can be this dumb. Not just any kind of man, but an unintelligent one. A fucktard man. Even a really stupid woman would not commit something THIS ridiculous. I am seeing a fat bald guy with glazed over eyes and puddles of spit at the corners of his mouth. Aren’t you? No one would believe me unless I supplied proof. So here it is.

 

Even my fucking PADS are not safe from fucktards. I am getting scared to eat anymore too.

 

Circulating Tax Email Bullshit

This is truly one of my pet peeves, but then again I have many of those. Fucktards, please listen up because it is you twats that feed into this bullshit. All those stupid “informative” or “educational” chain letters you get in an email…. are bullshit. Please don ‘t keep forwarding them on because you learned some tidbit of trivia that you didn’t know before. There is a major chance….. That the info is INCORRECT, not to mention it ‘s a virus or something else. Fucktards take these chain letters totally seriously. There is one floating around right now for instance about Taxes. It ‘s some fucktarded poem that some angry poor unemployed person probably wrote…. who also doesn’t want to pay taxes. So they give misleading info by saying that the US didn’t have taxes or a national debt 100 yrs ago. What really ticked me off is some dumb ass also posted it on their blog to help inform their stupid readers too. Therefore, I must rant.

Um, it is bullshit that we didn’t pay taxes in the US 100 years ago. Wars have always created a National Debt and we have had plenty. Sure, our debt now is HUGE beyond belief, but the Civil War created one too and yeah, at that time it was very high. And Taxes aren’t just an American issue either jackasses every country in the World pays them. Duh. Some countries pay much HIGHER than Americans do. The Germans, for instance, are paying a Restitution Tax for WWII. It comes right out of their paychecks. Oh, they also are taxed a Religion tax too. Didn’t Americans litter our tea in some body of water to revolt against the UK ‘s taxes? Um, I believe that might also be true too (uh yeah that ‘s sarcasm dummies). I guess we were paying taxes and hoping not to have to do that here. Boy, we sure were idealistic and stupid weren’t we? The United States began the development of the IRS (it was not technically the same as we have now “ for the dummies that might get confused) in the middle of the 1800 ‘s. Um, that ‘s more than 100 years ago. Cigarettes and alcohol have been taxed since roughly since that time too. While it is true that in the last 100 years American taxes have dramatically increased… some are really needed if you want nice roads to drive on if you want health care costs to be semi-affordable, and if you wants losers who don ‘t pay their taxes to get more fees than you. Some of the taxes that this dumb chain letter bitches about are:

Corporation Taxes – Um ok. Corporations need to be taxed. They can afford it and they make up a major part of the American infrastructure. People who have any intelligence know that they should be taxed for a variety of reasons.

Property Taxes “ Um ok so you don ‘t want a Police or Fire Dept in your community?

Road Usage Taxes “ the more intelligent people call these Toll Roads. I guess you don’t want roads?

Unemployment Taxes “ So these supply you with an income when you lose your fucktarded job at McDonald’s. And we ALL know that you want money when you get fired.

Social Security Tax “ Is anyone actually dumb enough to not realize why we pay this? If so, sorry, it will take me way too long to explain it to you.

Marriage License Tax “ yeah you gotta pay to get married, but then you also get tax advantages for it. No brainer.

Building Permit Taxes “ This allows us to mandate building codes and makes them safer to live and work in. But who really needs that?

There were tons more, basically all taxes listed and complained about. I have a life so it would take me way too long to go over each one. The email closes out with the statement of 100 years ago fantasy bullshit, but it also sticks in that women stayed home with the kids as if implying that made things better too. I guess it did in some ways but for 100 years women had no choices and no rights either. Duh. Progress and growth cost money fucktards. I know that is a hard concept to grasp for you because you normally do not improve your stations in life, and you need someone to blame it on. But yeah, progress costs money. We also have doubled our population of fucktards that need to be taken care of too. The US is no longer some little melting pot Island where immigrants can come to hide from their problems in their own land. We aren’t the Land of Hope that we once were, now we seem to be the Land of Entitlement. Get over it, and pay your fucking taxes. Shut up and stop sending out chain letters written in ignorance. You only show me how stupid you are. Try using the internet for educating yourself instead. America keeps getting dumber and I could vomit.

I Love Natural Selection

I saw this on the news the other day and I just had to laugh and point this out. There was a story about a young man (in his early twenties) who was killed the other day because he was hit by a train. How the fuck do you get hit by a train? Did it sneak up on him then jump out of the weeds and smash him? Here’s a news flash for you Fucktards out there. If you don’t want to get hit by a train..Don’t walk on the tracks! This may seem to be something that wouldn’t be possible, but I assure you. Trains don’t leave the tracks for the most part. If you just can’t bear to walk around and avoid the train tracks, here is another tip. When that REALLY loud metal thing coming at you starts making a lot of noise move off the tracks. That big thing is a train and it can smash you. I just love natural selection.

 

It’s a Fucktard Day in the Neighborhood

Let me tell you how a couple of days went for me last week. I own a fairly new car (a little over 3 years old) that does have a bit of mileage on it. I do drive into work every day and it is a fairly decent commute of about 35 miles one way. Last Monday I was driving home from work and sitting in traffic before going through a tunnel (like I do every day) and cursing whatever Fucktard slowed down first and made all the traffic back up (like I do every day). Anyway, traffic finally starts moving and I hit the gas. The engine revs and nothing else happens. I am in drive and I am not moving at all. I try switching gears, etc and nothing. The transmission is gone. I sit there for a while, in the fast lane, contacting someone to come and tow me (now this is only about 3 miles into my journey home). I finally get in touch with someone and they will send a tow truck, but it will be about an hour and a half due to traffic. This is fine. I expected this. About this time, the local patrol tow truck shows up and helps me move my car from the road to the berm. Great, this was a big help and I appreciated it. The guy was even nice enough to stop back an hour later and check that I was OK (I.e. Non-Fucktard). Unfortunately, this was about the most terrifying hour and a half of my life. Here I am sitting on the berm by an exit before the tunnel and there are numerous Fucktards who find no problem driving on the berm to get past traffic and almost sideswipe my car. They had to see it there but just didn’t seem to notice or care. (I also have to take a moment to put out my thanks to a state patrol officer who also stopped during this time to check on me. He even gave me a number to call their barracks if the tow truck did not show up. He almost was hit by some Fucktard driving on berm while he did this, but I appreciate his help). The tow truck showed up after an hour and a half and we got my car situated to tow. Allow me to describe the tow truck driver. He was a fairly large man (not fat, but pretty muscular and larger than me) with tattoos on both arms and on the back and side of his shaved head. He also had no front teeth. This was actually not a problem for me because back in the day this old punk hung out with some pretty big degenerates. When we get into the truck, the first thing that he says to me is “Do you like Metallica?” as it is jamming on the radio. Actually, I do like some Metallica and I told him so. This appears to have been the point where Ray and I became best of friends. He says “Good Man” and pulls out in front of traffic. We are on our way. We’re driving along discussing the best way to get to where my car needs to go since he needs to drop off another car first. After this discussion, we start talking about music again and Ray tells me that he has been a headbanger for years. He tells me that he used to have really long hair “Longer than my old ladies” that hung down to his knees. He then tells me that he got sent away then and had to shave it all off. He keeps it shaved now because of the tattoos. Cool. I can deal with this still. After talking about some other things, we get to where we need to drop the other car off and do so. Then we situate my car back on the truck and we’re off again. We discuss important world places like CrapDonald’s and Wal-Mart and how these have made an impact upon our society at large. Just kidding, Ray actually just told me how he really likes both of them. Ray then starts to tell me a story about how he had a guy in the truck one time who “He just knew had something wrong with him and it was like he was retarded or something”. Anyway, the guy yelled at him to stop the truck and Ray stopped because he thought the guy had to vomit or something. No, the guy demanded that he get out of the truck and pulled out a knife. Ray then tells me how he reached under his seat and pulled out his gun and shot the guy four times while the guy was stabbing him. Ray even pulled up his shirt to show me the scar (while driving about 60 miles and hour) and again told me how he pulled his gun out from under the seat and shot the guy. Ray then told me that it was OK because the guy did not die. He even tried to help the guy before the ambulance arrived even though he was stabbed. The police felt it was OK too, but he was upset that he lost the right to carry his gun for 7 months and did not think that this was fair of the courts. I am feeling a tad bit nervous at this point since we still have about 20 miles to go to get to the garage. Lucky for me that Ray is my new best friend. (Although I did wonder how if he was sent away he was able to get a permit to carry a gun anyway.) The subject changes and before we get to the garage, we stopped to get something to eat and stopped at a convenience store for chew. Finally, we arrive at the garage and get my car unloaded. Ray then tells me that I owe him $60 over the money that my roadside assistance paid. He also tells me that he cannot accept a card, they only accept cash. I think he just wanted to ride with me some more to go to the ATM. Thankfully I happen to have it and pay him. He gives me a big toothless grin as he waves and drives away. I get home 5 hours after I left work. Now, you may think that Ray is the Fucktard of the story. He was not. I actually did like him and had a rather amusing time for the most part. I just told that part of the story because I thought it was funny. The real Fucktards came the next day. This part of my tale is NOT funny. The garage calls me (No, they are not the Fucktards either  (they were pretty good throughout this) and tells me that the part of my car that broke was not covered. They then asked me if I had an extended warranty. I believed that I did and, because I was at work, had to make several hundred phone calls between the garage, the place I bought my car and the place the warranty was through to try to get the information. After much wailing, moaning, and gnashing of teeth, I managed to get in touch with all these people (even though they had the information for my car fucked up) and get everything straight. This is where the Fucktard part of the story comes in. The guy handling the warranty claim then tells me “You know that the warranty company filed for bankruptcy two months ago and are not paying new claims, right?” No Fucktard, I did not know. Do you think that it would have been nice to inform the people that have this warranty about the company going bankrupt? I happened to pay a shitload of money when I bought the car so that I did not have to worry about crap like this. He gives me a website to look up and see what the insurance company contracted for my policy was doing regarding this. I go there and after searching through several thousand names (literally), I find my name and policy number. I look up what they are doing about the claims and the website says that if you live in seven specific states, they are covering the claims in full. I don’t live in any of those states of course. If you live in any other state, they are doing NOTHING right now and check back to the website in a couple of months. So, there you have the true Fucktards of this tale of woe. The bastards that I paid money to when I bought my car and then forced me to pay the full amount to get it fixed when it broke. That is the real crime. Maybe they should have been sent away instead of my buddy Ray.

You Can’t Fix Stupid

I recently came to an epiphany. I have noticed that just about every medical problem that exists can be fixed now. You can have your eyes fixed, your hearing fixed and can change any part of your body to the way you want it now. Unfortunately, you can’t fix stupid. Now, I know that some Fucktard is going to say “I heard that from some comedian and you are just stealing their ideas”. Well, let me tell you. I know that I am not the first person to say this and it is not necessarily an original idea. However, I am not going to attempt to explain this to you because You can’t fix stupid and the phrase obviously refers to you. Now that I have realized this, it is going to make my life a lot easier. And let’s face it, most of the world is already fucked and anything to make my life easier can’t be bad. One example of this is my niece. She is the epitome of stupid. This girl is 22 and could not figure out how to do anything if her life depended on it. She has screwed up her life beyond all repair already and it is just going to get worse. Now, my wife and I have been trying to help her get herself straightened out since she was about 10. No matter what we suggested, she just turned around and did the Fucktarded thing anyway and screwed up even worse. I have always known that she was dumb and since I now realize you can’t fix stupid, I am no longer going to try to help and can just sit back and watch the retard make more of a mess of herself. Hell, I even get a laugh out of it now and take bets on what asinine thing she’ll do next. Since I deal with extremely stupid people every day, I can now enjoy myself a bit more by trying to guess who will say the dumbest thing each day. This is not always as easy as it sounds because I hear some pretty stupid shit every day and it never ceases to amaze me how dumb people really are. But instead of trying to enlighten someone who has no clue what they are talking about, I can now see how long it will take them to realize that they are wrong. This could last a long time because most Fucktards can’t put a coherent thought together long enough to realize they are talking out their ass. I feel so free knowing this and am actually in a better mood. Unfortunately, some Fucktard will say something really stupid tomorrow and just piss me off again.

 

Big Dumb Damn Donkey

One of the girls that work for me took Halloween and Trick or Treat off last night. She used AOL to Instant Message me and say she couldn’t work before 10 pm even though she had no children. She had to be there to answer the door. I mentioned that Trick or Treating is usually from 6-8pm to her. She said, “Oh no, it runs until 10 pm here.” I would love to know what fucktard community runs trick or treat until 10 pm on a school night. Kids coming home at 10 pm need more time sort through their candy, clean up their costumes, run off their sugar high, and then get ready for bed. She was, of course, full of it. She was late again today. She used AOL again versus calling and actually talking to someone. So she was late, but then she starts to babble…..

she said….. turdbrain2 [6:23 P.M.]: the sky gets so dark so early now that it confuses me

She is confused alright. But the sky did not cause it. What an ass!

Tis the Season to be a Fucktard

I don’t know about anyone else, but this Christmas shit just pisses me off. What the fuck happened to every other holiday after the 4^th of July? You used to have distinctive holiday seasons and could look forward to each one. Ever since the middle of September, however, I have seen Christmas crap in all of the stores. You go into any store now and there is a smaller display of Halloween items (which is the best holiday of the year. Where else can you look into fucktard’s houses and see what they have without being arrested?) next to a huge display of Christmas things. It is not even winter yet and everyone is looking forward to the biggest Fucktard day of the year. I say that this is a fucktard day because Christmas is just one big swap meet where the winner is the one the gives out the least and gets the most back. Just because I have decided not to spawn like so many people do, I end up losing more and more every year. My sisters and brother have a bunch of dirt-faced rugrats now. Every year I now have to buy something for some new little fucktard-in-training and receive the same shitty amount for a gift from the rest of them (if I get a gift at all). Then, these shitheads don’t have the common courtesy to make the little bastards even say Thank You. This has gone on for years and suddenly I am the asshole because I don’t want to participate in this crap anymore. I get told that I should “just be a good uncle”. Fuck that. Just because you cannot control your hormones doesn’t mean I should have to pay for it. Before any of you, fucktards try to pull the “Well you should just remember the reason for the season” bullshit, just shut up. Think about this. Isn’t it amazing that your holiday for Santachrist happens to fall at the same time as many other religious holidays (most of which are far older than yours)? So, if I am to celebrate the true reason for the season, it probably won’t be with your religion and you should keep your zealot-ism to yourself. Why can’t we have a holiday where all the fucktards stay home and don’t irritate me for six months instead. That would be the best Christmas gift that I could ever have.

Stupid Parents Create Stupid Children

Oprah did a show on Friday about “Mom’s Who Can’t Say No”. That was the title of the episode but it should have been “Stop Being a Fucktard Parent”. It was about how spoiling our children is actually bad for them. The experts said that giving them everything they want makes them feel entitled, causes children not to appreciate things, makes them have no work ethic, and that it ruins their lives.

Hello? Do people have their brains on at all? No fucking shit. Why does Oprah have to even explain this to anyone? This was real, this had to be an actual Oprah lesson because so many fucktards keep reproducing yet have no clue how to create a good thoughtful productive human being. What killed me is there were working professional articulate parents that were destroying their kids and they were acting as if they had no idea! Do people realize it takes more skill then FUCKING to be a parent?

I am almost 37 years old, my mother used to lecture me on a “bad” behavior and when she did she told me “it was for my own good”. She told me that when I grew up I’d understand and be a better person for it when she had to punish me. I can’t believe my mother actually wanted me to grow up and do right by society, by her, by my own friends and family.

What the hell is wrong with people that we have to watch a tv talk show to tell us how make our kids generous people instead of selfish ones? Have we lost all common sense in the United States? Now, all we need is a talk show to tell the people “if you are a fucktard then don’t have children”. And truthfully that would solve the problem too.

Fucktard Gets Naked

There are actually times that Fucktards amuse me instead of pissing me off. Since this is extremely rare, I thought I would relate an incident that occurred a couple of months ago that was one of the funniest things that I ever saw. As you can tell by the title, this does involve a naked Fucktard. Now, this person was definitely not someone that I would ever want to willingly see naked, but it was such a treat given the circumstance that I can forgive that. So the story goes Fucktard was in a convenience store in the middle of the city that I work in and she shoplifts a bag of peanuts (go figure the elephant steals peanuts). The clerk then confronts her about it and she (of course) retaliates by yelling and screaming at the clerk. Somehow in the midst of this VERBAL altercation, Fucktard manages to lose ALL of her clothes. I am talking everything from shirt and pants to underwear and socks/shoes. She is buck naked. Then she runs out of the store and into the street (again downtown in a fairly large metropolitan city on a very busy intersection) and proceeds to continue to yell and scream at the clerk inside the store while jumping up and down like one of those tribal scenes that you used to able to see in National Geographic. If she only had a bone through her nose, it would have been perfect. Since there is a fire station next to the convenience store, the EMT’s come out and are standing around her talking to her. Cue me trudging in on my way to work. I come around the corner and see this scene. I just have to stop for a moment and watch. It is not often that you see a hippopotamus naked in the street. After watching for a while, I have to go to work (because I am a responsible person) and continue to my office (which is up one block and down another). As I come down to the front of my building, I see Fucktard running down the street like a rhino crossing the Serengeti. She has managed to put her shirt back on, but nothing else. Even more amusing is the picture of a skinny little EMT running along behind her holding her pants out in front of him for her to take like a baton in a relay race. I almost shit myself. Seconds later there are police swarming the area in an attempt to hunt down this wild beast. Now, instead of only being questioned for shoplifting (a relatively minor offense) Fucktard now faces charges of public indecency and resisting arrest. I found out later that to top it off, once the police finished their safari (I am sure they had to shoot her with several tranquilizer darts) and captured her they hauled her off to the local loony bin. So now she is naked and crazy. I have always wondered why crazy people get naked in the strangest places. If every Fucktard could be amusing like this one instead of stupid and irritating, I would not mind having so many of them in the world.

September 11th Nightmare Includes Stupidity

9/11 is a day we all remember, and on the anniversary of such a tragic event, I thought I’d celebrate some stupidity I was exposed to at the time. This is a Rainbow Brite post, she is listed in the Hall of Fame by me for her fucktard sensibilities. I knew her for about 10 years, and each day she became dumber.

So the story of idiocy begins.

Unless you are an idiot you know what happened 9/11/01. That’s not my story. The night of September 11^th I couldn’t sleep, I live very close to the Pennsylvania crash site, so it was on my mind specifically. I felt scared, sad, worried, angry etc just like every other American. In fact, there was also a great feeling of pride in America and the only positive thing I can say about the event itself is that we all did appreciate our American Pride a bit more. I know I did at least, and I felt the need the next day to put out an American flag. It was something I did not own, which made me realize I should have one.

I spoke to fucktard Rainbow Brite on the phone, expressed this need to her and she said “that’s a good idea. I know it is dummy, it came from me, not you of course. So as always she needs to attach herself to my shirt tails and said she wanted to go with me. She even volunteered to drive.

Now let’s review something about Rainbow Brite and her automobiles. In the years I knew her she only owned one beyond the year 1990, and she only got it about 2 years ago. She and her husband bought junkers, because ” a new car is a waste of money”, as opposed to the hundreds of dollars per year they were sinking into these used pieces of shit. And yes, of course, they were getting ripped off by buying cars that the very minute they drove away from the sale they broke down. It literally did happen and still, they never learned that maybe they were not smart car shoppers and that they were always jumping from one frying pan into another.

So, dear Rainbow Brite in her Granny junker pulled clunking loudly into my driveway. I got in the car with the door that wouldn’t lock, and off we went listening to her 8-track tapes. Rainbow, the fucktard, as you might assume is not a great driver. She tends to have a very short attention span, she looks at something as you pass it and begins to swerve all over the road. You have to remind her to look at the road again. She tends to look at her surroundings more than the road ahead. Highway driving was scary and I always interrupted her childish “ooooh lookie over there” comments. I also used a seat belt if the junker even had one.

This particular trip I felt wasn’t such a big deal. We were going about 2 miles away to a specific shop. There was little traffic, people were just not out and a person slowly passed us in the turning lane literally one block from my house. I saw a guy, possibly of Arabic descent from the corner of my eye, while Rainbow turned away completely to look as he passed. I knew a stupid comment was coming.

She SLAMMED on the brakes in the middle of the road.

“I swear to God that guy had a gun” she shouts at me.

“Shut up and drive, quit being a paranoid retard”, I answered.

Do you believe it? It’s the honest truth. I could not make this shit up. It was your standard stupid fucktard thing that every Arab is “guilty” and yet it was only 24 hours later so we did not have full proof of who had officially caused the whole thing yet. It totally pissed me off. She started driving again.

We heard an obvious helicopter overhead not more than 8 feet later down the road. She SLAMMED on the brakes again and looked UP and out the window as if it was going to fall from the sky or crash into something. It was so obvious that the helicopter was going to, or coming from the crash site, as I mentioned earlier – we lived near it. Ok, well obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. Rainbow asked me why it was up there since all flights were shut down etc. Like I said, obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. So I had to explain it.

“oooooooooooh yeah, that makes sense”.

Yes Rainbow, it does make sense, to anyone with COMMON SENSE and half a brain. It’s just that we don’t all need it explained to us by people who are 10 years our junior. Yes, she is also that much older than me. I wasn’t sure whether I should slap her, or run screaming from the car. But I really did want to get to the shop.

She asked me after we got our flags if I wanted to go to lunch or something. But I had met my fucktard limit already and I needed to go home, where sanity prevailed.

This event with Rainbow will remain etched forever in my head as a part of the horror on September 11^th. The horror of her stupidity, immaturity, and ignorance still linger in my head each year.

Drama Queen

I wrote a rant about one of my staff before. Please read the Fat Ass post to know the dipshit I am dealing with. This woman is a total drama queen, the excuse princess, and her life must be pretty difficult as you will see. She also calls “off” constantly despite the fact that she has the weekends off.

Yesterday the Drama Queen emailed me to let me know that during her days off she was in the hospital for walking pneumonia. She was feeling better she said, and her cough was tons better but she was taking the night off. She said she needed rest because during her 3 days in the hospital that they came in every 20 minutes to take her blood pressure, to take her blood, or to make her do breathing tests. It apparently exhausted her to lay in a bed.

I don’t know what hospital it is but damn they give good care. When I was in the hospital a few years ago in the ICU unit mind you, I had to buzz for the nurses. They weren’t showing up every 20 minutes for the ICU unit. And 3 days hospital stay for walking pneumonia? Whoa, that’s good insurance she has! My 70 yr old father with his heart condition and pacemaker had full blown pneumonia and they only kept him overnight.

So, basically the Drama Queen had 3 days of laying in the hospital doing nothing, and she needed rest from that. Doesn’t her fat ass kid keep her busier in a normal day with all his head injuries? Surely she should need more rest from that reject, right?

Another time she told me she was in the hospital this year (yes apparently she spends a lot of time there between her problems and the fat ass kids) it was for some queer stomach issue that she didn’t name to me. But she did tell me her doctor told her she should have bed rest for a week. I want her insurance, her hospital, and her damn doctor because mine usually just writes me a prescription and tells me to go back to my normal routines.. like my job.

I feel like I run a fucktarded special education class instead of a business.

The Stupidest Thing I Have Ever Heard

I worked with a chick I’ll dub as Rainbow Brite because she is very concerned with calling herself an artist… but not worried that the art she creates is below average. We worked in an independent style business where I was her boss and she didn’t do anything I said. It worked best when I ignored it, but often the fucktard issue couldn’t be ignored.

 

Which brings me to today’s rant, mainly for the humor factor. It’s been quite a while ago since this happened, but it still can crack me up anytime I think of it. Rainbow Brite had a way of flaunting her stupidity like she was almost proud of it. She’d sometimes like to get into religious or historical discussions and she knew nothing about either. She once told me she couldn’t wait to watch Pearl Harbor so she could learn some history. I said, "Gee Rainbow you know that’s actually fiction right?" and she responded with, "well yeah but I can still learn about history".

 

Probably around the time of the Iraq War starting I was explaining to her some of the horrific crimes that Saddam had committed against his own people. She did not know ANY of this, she did not even know where the Middle East WAS. So she listened as I wove her a story as if it were a movie, something she could understand. Her response was and I am quoting it EXACTLY.

 

Rainbow Brite: "ooooooh so it’s kinda like oh, what’s that movie called"?

Vulgar: "um what movie?".

Rainbow Brite: "oh you know which one I mean".

Vulgar: "um no I don’t. Tell me some tidbit about it and I’ll probably know".

Rainbow Brite: "oh what is the name of it? Damnit. The one about the Jewish Times".

Vulgar: "The JEWISH TIMES? What the hell are you talking about".

Rainbow Brite" yeah you know the one about the Jewish Times".

Vulgar: "Rainbow. Do you mean the HOLOCAUST?"

Rainbow Brite: "that might be it, what else".

Vulgar: "you mean like World War II? The Holocaust? Was the movie you meant Schindler’s List?".

Rainbow Brite: "that’s the name of it".

 

I kid you not. This is 100% true. The woman was 43 years old and did not know about WWII or the Holocaust.just a movie.

Fucktarded Fashion Sense

Now I am not by any means a "fashionable" type of guy. I have never read GQ or wore any designer clothes that were not bought for me by someone else. I am, however, NOT a Fucktard. This means that I know how to dress in public and can look presentable. In my mind, there are only three rules of fashion and they are:

If you shouldn’t be wearing a belly shirt or tube top then don’t. Even if you can get away with wearing a tube top… don’t. Here is a reality tip for most of the Fucktards that I see wearing these. No one wants to see your love handles and stretch marks. It is not attractive in the least and just makes everyone want to throw up. For those of you who think you can get away with this because you have larger assets up top the only reason you have larger assets is because you are fat everywhere else as well. I saw this load the other day walking through town with the front of her shirt pulled up and tucked through her bra. There were mounds of flesh hanging so low that you could not see the waist of her pants through the flubber. It was bouncing up and down when she walked and honestly looked like a jellyfish stranded on a mile wide beach of denim flopping around. After holding my lunch down by gagging several times, it dawned on me that this Fucktard was walking around smiling and holding her dirtbag boyfriend’s hand in public. She was proud of the way she looked. Please, for all of our sakes, before you leave the house look in fucking the mirror. If you can honestly think that you look good with most of your obese body exposed, then you should be shot. This rule applies to men who think that mesh shirts are attractive too. News Flash they went out in the 70’s with all the other hideous clothes and just make you look like you are trying to smuggle wire brushes under you shirt.

As we are on the subject of men, pull your fucking pants up and buy a belt. I saw this overweight Fucktard today walking down the street holding his pants up because they were drooping so low. Isn’t it bad enough that you have to by 10X already? Do you really need to go that extra mile and get the 15X’s? How are you going to continue to stuff Ho Ho’s in your maw if you have to hold your pants up? Droopy pants are all well and good for the asinine criminals to wear. We all have gotten a good laugh while watching COPS when some stupid criminal is running away, his pants fall down around his ankles tripping him. I encourage this behavior with criminals. It makes it a lot easier to catch them. For the rest of you Fucktards, you just look stupid.

Finally, and this really pisses me off to no end, FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES! I am not talking about sandals or a thick-soled open top shoe – I am talking about the $.50 Blue Light K-Mart special foam and plastic shower tongs. As the name implies, these are meant for the SHOWER or the Beach and should not be worn as shoes. Everyday I see these fucking dim-witted nimrods (both men and women) walking around with these in public. It takes all of my will power not to walk over and stomp on their dirt encrusted hairy toes. Wear them at home in your backyard, not in public. When I go into a convenience store I want to get what I wanted to buy and get out. Not look at your feet. Are there no dress codes for work anymore? I work in a large metropolitan city and after parking I walk into my office. Have you ever looked at what on is the street? Everyday I see used bandages, syringes, the spot where some out-of-work shit-faced drunken Fucktard has passed out and either puked or pissed and shit themselves as well as bird shit, spit and general grime. I notice these things because I look at the ground when I am walking to lessen the urge to kill every stupid Fucktard I see. You mental giants with your flip flops on are walking through the same sludge that I do everyday. The only difference is that my SHOES protect my feet from this crap. You are just adding to your already overwhelming cruddiness. Maybe I will get lucky and some plague will come and wash all the scum off the world because it can only be contracted through your toenails.

FuckTards on Wheels

I work in a metropolitan city where I have to sit in traffic on a daily basis after work. Now when I say sit, I don’t mean that I am still the entire time. The traffic moves at 2 miles per hour while stopping and starting frequently. During this time, a lot of minor Fucktards think that they can get ahead faster by weaving in and out of lanes – usually by cutting in front of me or others, and saving maybe 2 minutes off of their time. Anyway, into this urban mess comes the royal Fucktard of the day. This mental giant is on a motorcycle wearing only a tank top, daisy dukes and sandals. She is just begging for skin grafts when someone finally does their god given duty and runs her stupid ass over or she falls off like so many Fucktards do. Anyway, to make matter worse, she decides that she will also play the “lets see how many lanes I can cut through” game. The kicker is that not only is she cutting in and out of lanes, but she’s also driving up the median and up the middle BETWEEN moving cars also cutting in and out of lanes. I know that when she gets squashed everyone will bitch that “no one driving a car looks out for motorcycles on the road” …..WAAAAH. Then some other stupid Fucktard will put one of those crosses on the side of the road for her and more Fucktards will stop to put flowers on them – thereby making MY commute longer as everyone stops to look at it. I don’t hate motorcycles – just the stupid Fucktards who drive them.