Stupid Reader Email

Sometimes people send us an email. A few in the past have been valid, maybe catching something that just didn’t read well in a post. We have touched up those little errors.

Sometimes really dumb people email us too. We call those people FUCKTARDS and we dedicated this website to them years ago.  We recently got a message! Enjoy the stupidity, misspellings, and lack of cohesive sentences. We think this ninny took the descriptive VERY personally…. we don’t wonder why.

Lesson: If you ever feel compelled to send an email to someone you do not know on the internet in order to judge them, critique their work, or just add your 2 cents….. please try to have some actual sense.  And be brave enough to use your name and real email address. WIMP.

Love from all of us at FucktardRants XOXOXOXOX

Name: Fucktard

Comment: you are a fucktard. Don’t get me wrong but i actually visited your page by mistake while googling and just wanted to say that you seem so shallow, idiotic and a blond teenage girl who likes just to talk about the little details that happen in your life i don’t know you but just wanted to say fuck you and all people like you. fucking fucktard get a life and don’t act so clever. Bitch.(and sorry for my language but well i hate all living creatures like you who thinks they are so intelligent. i bet you think everyone likes you but behind your back your the laugh of the night no one wants to be with you or invite you but you still act like your needed in planet earth.Know what this is such beautiful paragraph i wrote, i’ll copy it and send it to every wannabe clever fella i see, peace asshole.

Time: March 5, 2015 at 12:36 am

IP Address: 2.51.27.194

Second email sent about 20 min later.

Comment: After a second thought as i go through your rants i believe that, while your so desperate to make your life worth living. I feel pity for the humans the have to deal with your shit on daily basis. Well trust me no one loves you or give a shit about you. You may think your smart, intelligent and so on but as reading on i actually had fun as well enraged by how come such immature person like you works a decent job. Well enjoy your life ranting or hating your own life don’t know but sure your writing was fun. Bitch.

The Dumbest Person Alive

Rainbow is a chick I used to work with and we had frenemy relationship based on that. I am using that false name for her as a snide comment because she thinks she is an artist. She also thinks she has magical powers, so there ya go! She was one of the dumbest people I knew, and I have known some true dummies. I thought I’d post some of her best short stories. Enjoy the stupidity and they are ALL TRUE.

She thought people in Canada (when the US does) and England (the UK) celebrated Thanksgiving.

She doesn’t know the proper/basic use of the words: see, saw, seen. She only uses SEEN. So when you would explain to her… “such and such was posted on the board for everyone to read” (at work) Her response is… “I seen that but didn’t understand it”.

After the September 11th attack, she asked me “where exactly is the middle east anyway”.

We used to get together for breakfast with another girl from work and during Michael Jackson’s second arrest for the molestation allegations we started discussing the whole thing, as many people were. When it was time for Rainbow to share her opinion she said… “well I think he is like a retarded person so he just likes being with kids”. The girl with us was 20 years younger than Rainbow… and the expression on her face told me that it was the dumbest remark she had ever heard before too.

She always bragged about what a great cook she is. One day I asked her what she was making for dinner and she said, “Hamburger Helper”!

She once asked a work associate in another state (Louisiana) what month/s it snowed there. She asked her not once… but two days in a ROW even though the woman explained to her that it rarely, if ever… snowed in the south. TWO days in a ROW.

Rainbow once told me on more than one occasion that when she was a child and tested before school that school district told her mother “she was borderline”. I asked what she meant and she answered with… “well, they said, like, I was almost retarded. Shows what THEY know”.  I just said “yeah” during her crazy retard cackling.

She went to the doctor for some minor surgery. After the recovery period, she asked him if she would have any of the problems she had read about on the internet. The doctor said… “No, you have far more problems to worry about”. She asked me if I understood what he meant. I had to lie and say no.

She went to a message forum for Chronic Fatigue suffers and proceeded to spout off her nonsense advice. A woman was discussing some pretty serious marital issues in her life and Rainbow suggested she get the book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus”. She said she got it and a six pack – it really helped her marriage.

She taught her 7 yr old son that he “should feel bad for women because they bleed every month”. Of course, he told the neighbors 7 yr old daughter he felt bad for her and why. The kid’s mother called Rainbow and chewed her out about it. Rainbow said, “oh screw her, she is just an idiot anyway”.

---

(Footnote) I continue to get emails from Canadians who attempt to correct me about how they do celebrate Thanksgiving. No shit. I have in my post: She thought people in Canada (when the US does) and England (the UK) celebrated Thanksgiving. I know this fucktard. I know the Canadian Thanksgiving is in October. I don’t need you to continue to email me. The point of the whole statement in the post is to show the blatant ignorance of a person who thinks that the whole world celebrates the American version of Thanksgiving. That should have been a “given” per the entire article. You know, like you using common sense and intuitively understanding what a statement means in the complete context. I apologize that it is hard for fucktards to understand that. Duh.

I Don’t Care About Your Mom

Alright, my fans know I have to hire fucktards to do a super easy job that none of them can seem to do. I’d rather work with monkeys, even really pissed off ones with wings instead of these dumb asses.

Turdbrain has been spoken about before. You can read that old stuff about the way the sky confuses her here for some background. If you don’t feel like reading it, that’s ok I can sum it up for you with 4 very small words…. She…. Is…. An…..Idiot.

Turdbrain is the worst kind of idiot.. she is a passive aggressive fucktard. So the more you push her to DO to meet the requirements of keeping her job…. the more EXCUSES you get, and with the excuses come big long stories about her idiot life. I don’t CARE about her life, I am her manager, not her friend. I want her to shut her up and work, to be on time, and give me as little shit as possible. I want her to do well and make money, but I don’t want to be involved in her life.

As a prelude to this email, she sent me tonight… I should explain that she has worked for the company for six months at the time. Everyone in the office staff knows her problems; she has called off more times than she has worked. She has been late more times than she has been on time.  Twice I wrote her and said that “it’s obvious your life is hectic so let’s move you to a later shift so that you can be on time, be productive, and make money”. Doing this was as much for us, as it was for her.  She wanted to wait…. then proceeded to continue being late. Eventually, I told her tough shit, I was changing her schedule anyway.

Here is her email with bad spelling intact:

thank you, noted and APPRECIATED ….. and not a
moment too soon!

You’d think that with a short doctor’s appointment at
4 pm and taking her/mom back home (six miles TOTAL
travel) that I could easily be back home by 6 PM….
but, ah no, this is my MOTHER we’re talking about. I
came screetching in the driveway and tore into the
house at 7:40 to make sure I was signed in by 8:00pm
(my time) TRUSTING that you had already switched the
scheadule.
…….
Don’t ask me why mom had three bank cards but didn’t
know what a debit card is or how to use it. AND had to
know TONIGHT.

Don’t ask why the eye-glasses that she had an
emergency exam for and ordered two weeks ago (the ones
DUE today) had not been paid for and therefor had not
been ordered yet. [I dropped the ball on that one by
not checking back to confirm the payment.]

AND ESPECIALLY don’t ask how she got superglue on her
tongue! ……ack! [NOTE: luckily super-glue will peel
off a tongue if it’s not stuck to anything, {mumbling
here about angels and the grace of god etc} and if you
remove it soon enough….. ever scrape a tongue? it
moves…a LOT.]

lol and shaking my head …. it’s been a day!
Mom’s Alzhimers is not THAT bad (i keep telling
myself) lol the superglue was a “freak accident” but
dang my family has some of the most bizzare things
happen to it! lol

anyhow, thought you might see the humor in all
this….
sometimes you just gotta laugh …. or cry.

I choose to laugh. 😉

Well, Turdbrain I choose to ignore…. Don’t tell me all your problems. Everyone has their own, everyone gets their fair share.

 

 

 

Twittering Twits, I Hate Twitter

Ok so once it was Myspace, then it was Facebook, and now it’s Twitter as the big hot thing. The one common denominator in all 3 things…. Fucktards. Yes, it is true. I went to the doctor the other day and had to wait on the stupid secretary to take my co-pay and give me a receipt… because she was busy TWITTERING.

Twitter is such a testament to our disastrous fucktard times… “let me tell everyone how important I am and all of the stupid mundane shit I do”. It’s a social network for people who have nothing better to do, and desperately need friends… but can’t socialize in reality. Nobody with any intelligence cares if your weather is nice, or what you cooked for dinner, dummies.

Now you also have celebrities twittering away too. For instance, we have Mr. Twit Popularity Ashton Kutcher and his wife on there daily. I’ve looked, all day long those two sit on their accounts telling the even lamer fans their every move, and how many important people they know. Wonder when they talk to one another?… if at all. And if Oprah’s television show was not self-indulgent enough… we can now read her tweets about dinner dates with other celebs. Wow. Who gives a shit?

Are we really this childish? Do we not know how to communicate our messages to the world in another way? Do people actually care? If so, WHY? Is this the reason we created technology? Do we need this much constant attention?

The only people who use Twitter are either… spammers, narcissists, or boring fucktards. See, some fucktards CAN be entertaining… but in this case, it’s one big yawn.

Circulating Tax Email Bullshit

This is truly one of my pet peeves, but then again I have many of those. Fucktards, please listen up because it is you twats that feed into this bullshit. All those stupid “informative” or “educational” chain letters you get in an email…. are bullshit. Please don ‘t keep forwarding them on because you learned some tidbit of trivia that you didn’t know before. There is a major chance….. That the info is INCORRECT, not to mention it ‘s a virus or something else. Fucktards take these chain letters totally seriously. There is one floating around right now for instance about Taxes. It ‘s some fucktarded poem that some angry poor unemployed person probably wrote…. who also doesn’t want to pay taxes. So they give misleading info by saying that the US didn’t have taxes or a national debt 100 yrs ago. What really ticked me off is some dumb ass also posted it on their blog to help inform their stupid readers too. Therefore, I must rant.

Um, it is bullshit that we didn’t pay taxes in the US 100 years ago. Wars have always created a National Debt and we have had plenty. Sure, our debt now is HUGE beyond belief, but the Civil War created one too and yeah, at that time it was very high. And Taxes aren’t just an American issue either jackasses every country in the World pays them. Duh. Some countries pay much HIGHER than Americans do. The Germans, for instance, are paying a Restitution Tax for WWII. It comes right out of their paychecks. Oh, they also are taxed a Religion tax too. Didn’t Americans litter our tea in some body of water to revolt against the UK ‘s taxes? Um, I believe that might also be true too (uh yeah that ‘s sarcasm dummies). I guess we were paying taxes and hoping not to have to do that here. Boy, we sure were idealistic and stupid weren’t we? The United States began the development of the IRS (it was not technically the same as we have now “ for the dummies that might get confused) in the middle of the 1800 ‘s. Um, that ‘s more than 100 years ago. Cigarettes and alcohol have been taxed since roughly since that time too. While it is true that in the last 100 years American taxes have dramatically increased… some are really needed if you want nice roads to drive on if you want health care costs to be semi-affordable, and if you wants losers who don ‘t pay their taxes to get more fees than you. Some of the taxes that this dumb chain letter bitches about are:

Corporation Taxes – Um ok. Corporations need to be taxed. They can afford it and they make up a major part of the American infrastructure. People who have any intelligence know that they should be taxed for a variety of reasons.

Property Taxes “ Um ok so you don ‘t want a Police or Fire Dept in your community?

Road Usage Taxes “ the more intelligent people call these Toll Roads. I guess you don’t want roads?

Unemployment Taxes “ So these supply you with an income when you lose your fucktarded job at McDonald’s. And we ALL know that you want money when you get fired.

Social Security Tax “ Is anyone actually dumb enough to not realize why we pay this? If so, sorry, it will take me way too long to explain it to you.

Marriage License Tax “ yeah you gotta pay to get married, but then you also get tax advantages for it. No brainer.

Building Permit Taxes “ This allows us to mandate building codes and makes them safer to live and work in. But who really needs that?

There were tons more, basically all taxes listed and complained about. I have a life so it would take me way too long to go over each one. The email closes out with the statement of 100 years ago fantasy bullshit, but it also sticks in that women stayed home with the kids as if implying that made things better too. I guess it did in some ways but for 100 years women had no choices and no rights either. Duh. Progress and growth cost money fucktards. I know that is a hard concept to grasp for you because you normally do not improve your stations in life, and you need someone to blame it on. But yeah, progress costs money. We also have doubled our population of fucktards that need to be taken care of too. The US is no longer some little melting pot Island where immigrants can come to hide from their problems in their own land. We aren’t the Land of Hope that we once were, now we seem to be the Land of Entitlement. Get over it, and pay your fucking taxes. Shut up and stop sending out chain letters written in ignorance. You only show me how stupid you are. Try using the internet for educating yourself instead. America keeps getting dumber and I could vomit.

September 11th Nightmare Includes Stupidity

9/11 is a day we all remember, and on the anniversary of such a tragic event, I thought I’d celebrate some stupidity I was exposed to at the time. This is a Rainbow Brite post, she is listed in the Hall of Fame by me for her fucktard sensibilities. I knew her for about 10 years, and each day she became dumber.

So the story of idiocy begins.

Unless you are an idiot you know what happened 9/11/01. That’s not my story. The night of September 11^th I couldn’t sleep, I live very close to the Pennsylvania crash site, so it was on my mind specifically. I felt scared, sad, worried, angry etc just like every other American. In fact, there was also a great feeling of pride in America and the only positive thing I can say about the event itself is that we all did appreciate our American Pride a bit more. I know I did at least, and I felt the need the next day to put out an American flag. It was something I did not own, which made me realize I should have one.

I spoke to fucktard Rainbow Brite on the phone, expressed this need to her and she said “that’s a good idea. I know it is dummy, it came from me, not you of course. So as always she needs to attach herself to my shirt tails and said she wanted to go with me. She even volunteered to drive.

Now let’s review something about Rainbow Brite and her automobiles. In the years I knew her she only owned one beyond the year 1990, and she only got it about 2 years ago. She and her husband bought junkers, because ” a new car is a waste of money”, as opposed to the hundreds of dollars per year they were sinking into these used pieces of shit. And yes, of course, they were getting ripped off by buying cars that the very minute they drove away from the sale they broke down. It literally did happen and still, they never learned that maybe they were not smart car shoppers and that they were always jumping from one frying pan into another.

So, dear Rainbow Brite in her Granny junker pulled clunking loudly into my driveway. I got in the car with the door that wouldn’t lock, and off we went listening to her 8-track tapes. Rainbow, the fucktard, as you might assume is not a great driver. She tends to have a very short attention span, she looks at something as you pass it and begins to swerve all over the road. You have to remind her to look at the road again. She tends to look at her surroundings more than the road ahead. Highway driving was scary and I always interrupted her childish “ooooh lookie over there” comments. I also used a seat belt if the junker even had one.

This particular trip I felt wasn’t such a big deal. We were going about 2 miles away to a specific shop. There was little traffic, people were just not out and a person slowly passed us in the turning lane literally one block from my house. I saw a guy, possibly of Arabic descent from the corner of my eye, while Rainbow turned away completely to look as he passed. I knew a stupid comment was coming.

She SLAMMED on the brakes in the middle of the road.

“I swear to God that guy had a gun” she shouts at me.

“Shut up and drive, quit being a paranoid retard”, I answered.

Do you believe it? It’s the honest truth. I could not make this shit up. It was your standard stupid fucktard thing that every Arab is “guilty” and yet it was only 24 hours later so we did not have full proof of who had officially caused the whole thing yet. It totally pissed me off. She started driving again.

We heard an obvious helicopter overhead not more than 8 feet later down the road. She SLAMMED on the brakes again and looked UP and out the window as if it was going to fall from the sky or crash into something. It was so obvious that the helicopter was going to, or coming from the crash site, as I mentioned earlier – we lived near it. Ok, well obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. Rainbow asked me why it was up there since all flights were shut down etc. Like I said, obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. So I had to explain it.

“oooooooooooh yeah, that makes sense”.

Yes Rainbow, it does make sense, to anyone with COMMON SENSE and half a brain. It’s just that we don’t all need it explained to us by people who are 10 years our junior. Yes, she is also that much older than me. I wasn’t sure whether I should slap her, or run screaming from the car. But I really did want to get to the shop.

She asked me after we got our flags if I wanted to go to lunch or something. But I had met my fucktard limit already and I needed to go home, where sanity prevailed.

This event with Rainbow will remain etched forever in my head as a part of the horror on September 11^th. The horror of her stupidity, immaturity, and ignorance still linger in my head each year.

Shut Up and Do Your Job

I have a rant about cashiers at grocery stores. It’s simple, just 2 things: stopping looking at my stuff, and stop talking to me. Now let’s review.

I do my shopping on Saturdays during my day off. I have been waiting in line behind several fucktards to get out of the store, and they have probably pissed me off. I am now exhausted from the whole shopping experience and I am in a hurry when I finally get up to the register. Ring up my stuff and pack the damn bags. Don’t leisurely look through my groceries reading what each item is. And God help you if you ask me about it. If looks could kill, you’d be in deep shit. Do your shopping on your own time and quit using my purchases as a new means to product discovery! My groceries do not want your cruddy money touching germy hands all over them while you study them. Oh, and forget about making stupid jokes. I don’t want to hear about your day either. My favorite cashiers are the ones who keep their eyes on the register, work quickly, and keep their mouths shut.

Drama Queen

I wrote a rant about one of my staff before. Please read the Fat Ass post to know the dipshit I am dealing with. This woman is a total drama queen, the excuse princess, and her life must be pretty difficult as you will see. She also calls “off” constantly despite the fact that she has the weekends off.

Yesterday the Drama Queen emailed me to let me know that during her days off she was in the hospital for walking pneumonia. She was feeling better she said, and her cough was tons better but she was taking the night off. She said she needed rest because during her 3 days in the hospital that they came in every 20 minutes to take her blood pressure, to take her blood, or to make her do breathing tests. It apparently exhausted her to lay in a bed.

I don’t know what hospital it is but damn they give good care. When I was in the hospital a few years ago in the ICU unit mind you, I had to buzz for the nurses. They weren’t showing up every 20 minutes for the ICU unit. And 3 days hospital stay for walking pneumonia? Whoa, that’s good insurance she has! My 70 yr old father with his heart condition and pacemaker had full blown pneumonia and they only kept him overnight.

So, basically the Drama Queen had 3 days of laying in the hospital doing nothing, and she needed rest from that. Doesn’t her fat ass kid keep her busier in a normal day with all his head injuries? Surely she should need more rest from that reject, right?

Another time she told me she was in the hospital this year (yes apparently she spends a lot of time there between her problems and the fat ass kids) it was for some queer stomach issue that she didn’t name to me. But she did tell me her doctor told her she should have bed rest for a week. I want her insurance, her hospital, and her damn doctor because mine usually just writes me a prescription and tells me to go back to my normal routines.. like my job.

I feel like I run a fucktarded special education class instead of a business.

If You Cannot Say Something Intelligent…..

If you don’t know what you are talking about, please learn not to speak at all. While moronic sayings can amuse me at times, it mostly just pisses me off. Much like Vulgar’s rant about Rainbow Brite and her "Jewish Times", I am constantly bombarded by idiotic comments that I believe actually make me stupider for hearing them. I have known a person for my entire life who makes comments like this. For sake of keeping their true identity secret we will call them something else, like "mom". Now "mom" can be a true Fucktard at times. One time "mom" and I were discussing nationality. This can be interesting because "mom" is a cornucopia of different nationalities and it is fun to try to figure them all out. Suffice to say that "mom" has had an ancestor in pretty much every Slovak nation. Now in describing her nationality, "mom" said that she is a "White Russian". Now, "mom" is not Russian at all, but she is part Ukrainian, so this could be true. (For you Fucktards that think a White, Red or Black Russian is just a drink, you should read up on European history. In particular the parts about the Russian revolution and how it had a huge impact on communism in Europe). Since I know that "mom" is a Fucktard, I am sure that this is not what she means, so I ask her if she knows what a White Russian is. She says "No, this is what my father used to say, so that’s what I say too". Why would you call yourself something that you don’t know what it is? If your father used to say that you were a Fucktard, would you tell people that also? After explaining to her what a white Russian is (in very simple terms), she then says "Oh, I guess I am not one after all". What a freaking brainchild. This is also the person who was referring to the Middle East as "all those Islam’ people" at times. (I believe that she meant Muslim and I hope I don’t have to explain that there are many more religions than Muslimism in the Middle East as well). This just goes to show that not all Fucktardism is inherited. Even if you come from Fucktards, you can surpass it with some effort and a little intelligence. Thank God I don’t live with and have to hear stupid shit from this one everyday anymore.

On a similar note, we were having a discussion at work the other day about the conflict between Lebanon and Israel. One of my co-workers (who is usually a lot smarter, but I have found that anyone can be a Fucktard at any time) started saying how it wasn’t fair that Israel was bombing Lebanese cities because people were being killed and " it is not their fault that the terrorists are working in their country, they didn’t want them there". If they didn’t want them there, why the fuck did they elect some of them into the government? This led to a discussion on why everyone in the Middle East hates Israel. It then comes out that this person did not even know how Israel came about and the situation that has led up to the point where we are now. I don’t expect everyone to be up on world history. It is not that big of a deal if you know nothing about what is occurring in other parts of the planet. You can live your life and not worry about other countries or political situations. This is all OK. However, if you don’t know anything that is going on, then please, just shut the fuck up. Your uninformed opinion just makes my head hurt and reinforces that thought that everyone I meet is a Fucktard.

Just Do Your Fucking Job

Why can’t people just do their fucking jobs? Due to the nature of my work, I cannot get into specifics about what I do. Suffice to say that I have a position of some authority and part of the responsibilities of my organization are to assist other companies in troubleshooting certain areas of their work. A couple of weeks ago, I was called in to review a situation at a company and give them a response on what I found. I completed this and sent them a report on what they did incorrectly and gave suggestions on what they could do to correct the issues. I received a response from the person in charge of their company thanking me for doing the review and stating that they would take my suggestions and look at improving what I found to be wrong. This is fine. This is what I expect. This is why I went there in the first place. Since that time, I have received a phone call every day from a variety of Fucktards in this company (who are all lower than the head of the company). If they were calling me to ask for suggestions on how to implement what I told them, or ask for further clarification, this would be fine. This would be part of my job. But No. These Fuckatrds have to call me everyday to whine and complain about everything. An example of some of the things I have had to hear follows:

 

1. We don’t really agree with how you wrote the report. It makes us look like we did not do anything that we were supposed to. Answer: Well, you didn’t you stupid Fucktard. That’s why I wrote it.

 

2. We don’t really agree with the way that you looked at everything and how you came to your conclusion. Answer: I don’t care if you agree with it. It is not like I make this shit up on some whim and decide to tell you about it just to fuck with you. It is based on a specific set of rules that any company that does the same work as you has to follow. You know this. It is not new information. Your company has been in business for a long time and you have been in your position for a long time as well. All of your crying and whining about being caught for fucking up to me is not going to change this. I will not suddenly decide that you are right and change all of the rules for you because I like you. You annoy me in other aspects as well already so just deal with it.

 

3. In looking back at what I told you originally, I don’t think that I put it in the way that I liked and gave my side clearly. Answer: OK.. So what the fuck do you want me to do about that? Is it my fault that you cannot organize yourself and come up with a coherent thought? Is this now supposed to become my problem? I did not tell you what to say, you told me all of this yourself. It came out of your teeny head. I can assure you that incompetence on your part does not constitute a problem on my part. Just because you have had some time to think about it and come up with an explanation as to why you are a dumbass, doesn’t mean I have to listen to it now.

 

This is just an example of a few of the highly irritating conversations I have had. I have other work to do. I have finished with this situation and have moved on. Just fucking fix it. If you had done your fucking job right in the first place, then we would not have had to go through all of this shit and I would not have to hear your pitiful excuses as to why you couldn’t just do your job. It is because of Fucktards like this that there is a huge dent in the shape of my head on the top of my desk.

 

 

Fireman Fucktard

Let me start this out by saying that I have the utmost respect for firemen. It is a tough, dangerous job and anyone who does this for a living should be commended. However, like any other profession, there are a certain amount of Fucktards who are also firemen. So the power goes out in my house overnight the other day. When I get up in the morning to get ready for work, the power is still out and I cannot do most of my normal morning routine including making breakfast. I decide to go out and get some fast food crap so that I can eat and still be on time for work. I drive down the road toward the local strip of restaurants and when I come to an intersection, the lights are out and there are two firemen standing in the middle of the street. One of them comes over to the car and asks where I am going, so I reply "to CrapDonald’s to get some breakfast". His reply: "No, you ain’t". The he just stands there. And stands there. And stands there, by my window. After a minute or so, I have to ask the obvious question "Why not?" He says "Because the power is out all along this area and none of the restaurants are open", then goes back and stands in the middle of the intersection. Now, this seems to be a reasonable answer (even though he couldn’t think to tell me right away), so I wait for him to resume directing traffic. Why else would he be standing in the middle of an intersection where the lights are out? I still don’t know what he was doing other than picking his ass, which I watched him do several times. I guess he was hot just standing in the middle of an intersection in the morning in his fire proof pants and T-Shirt. I waited a good 5-10 minutes watching Gomer Pyle pick his ass and stare off into space while there are now cars 3-4 deep at each part of the intersection. Now you may ask what the second fireman was doing. I ask the same question. He appeared to be doing nothing except sit on the curb watching the other Fucktard picking his ass too. After waiting a while, I decided to take things into my own hands and turned up another street so that I could go somewhere else. You may think that Fireman Fucktard would have noticed this as I had to drive right past him to do so. No, he doesn’t notice. He just continues to pick his ass and stare into space. I actually went back to that intersection after work, just to check and see if he was still there. I guess someone finally told him to go home. I don’t think he could have figured that idea out on his own. If my house ever catches on fire, I hope they put this dipshit on traffic duty again and let the real firemen do their jobs. Maybe that was why he was sent there in the first place.

The Stupidest Thing I Have Ever Heard

I worked with a chick I’ll dub as Rainbow Brite because she is very concerned with calling herself an artist… but not worried that the art she creates is below average. We worked in an independent style business where I was her boss and she didn’t do anything I said. It worked best when I ignored it, but often the fucktard issue couldn’t be ignored.

 

Which brings me to today’s rant, mainly for the humor factor. It’s been quite a while ago since this happened, but it still can crack me up anytime I think of it. Rainbow Brite had a way of flaunting her stupidity like she was almost proud of it. She’d sometimes like to get into religious or historical discussions and she knew nothing about either. She once told me she couldn’t wait to watch Pearl Harbor so she could learn some history. I said, "Gee Rainbow you know that’s actually fiction right?" and she responded with, "well yeah but I can still learn about history".

 

Probably around the time of the Iraq War starting I was explaining to her some of the horrific crimes that Saddam had committed against his own people. She did not know ANY of this, she did not even know where the Middle East WAS. So she listened as I wove her a story as if it were a movie, something she could understand. Her response was and I am quoting it EXACTLY.

 

Rainbow Brite: "ooooooh so it’s kinda like oh, what’s that movie called"?

Vulgar: "um what movie?".

Rainbow Brite: "oh you know which one I mean".

Vulgar: "um no I don’t. Tell me some tidbit about it and I’ll probably know".

Rainbow Brite: "oh what is the name of it? Damnit. The one about the Jewish Times".

Vulgar: "The JEWISH TIMES? What the hell are you talking about".

Rainbow Brite" yeah you know the one about the Jewish Times".

Vulgar: "Rainbow. Do you mean the HOLOCAUST?"

Rainbow Brite: "that might be it, what else".

Vulgar: "you mean like World War II? The Holocaust? Was the movie you meant Schindler’s List?".

Rainbow Brite: "that’s the name of it".

 

I kid you not. This is 100% true. The woman was 43 years old and did not know about WWII or the Holocaust.just a movie.

Assume makes an ass out of u and me

Ok another one of my pet peeves is the way fucktarded people in your life make assumptions about what you do, what your motivation is, and yet they never even ask. I worked with a fucktard (Rainbow Brite) for years that constantly made assumptions. We were once good friends until I could longer handle the ridiculousness. Anyway here is a sample of one of those conversations.

Vulgar says: "Yes my goal with the blog on our business website is to make sure it has fresh content which gets us more exposure, and listed on more directories".

Fucktard says: "oooooh I ASSumed you were just doing it cuz you were just thinking up more work to do and I can’t handle all that".

If you happen to be a fucktard and your boss or work associate asks you to do something anything, there is probably a very logical reason. If the scope of your thinking is so narrow to imagine that people invent work for literally no reason then you may need to see a shrink for more then "just a consultation". And good grief if you really don’t know, then ASK a simple question. Because if you ASSUME then you’ll make an ASS out of U and Me but mainly YOU.

 

Fucktard Telephone Manners

I am a manager for a telecommunication type of business, in other words we work on the phone everyday accepting incoming calls. I have a toll free number where my staff can call me directly for problems and such. The number is new for me, only about 6 months old. It once belonged to a parasail company and they still had a shitload of ads plastered all over the net, so I am still getting "wrong number" calls. I had to go and actually have some of the ads removed myself because the volume was so high.

 

Since this is a direct number to me, I don’t answer it with anything other than "hello". I don’t have to; my staff knows I am the only one answering. 99% of the wrong number calls don’t seem to notice that I only answer with "hello" they just go right into requesting their reservations. I have to tell them what happened, and sometimes more stupidity ensues. It has gotten to a point where I hate it when it rings, because I know it’s going to annoy me to answer either way.

 

Today a fucktard with out telephone manners called. I really wonder if fucktards are taught anymore what telephone etiquette is. See my mother taught me to say "I’m SORRY I dialed the wrong number", or "Excuse me I think I dialed the wrong number". 99% of the fucktards that dial wrong to either my work line, my cell, or even my home number just freakin’ hang up. It pisses me off. You are the idiot that can’t press the buttons right, admit it, apologize for annoying me, and THEN hang up. Its common courtesy and manners. But the world is full of fucktards and we ALL know it. They do not even know what courtesy or manners are.

 

This is how today’s fucktarded call went:

 

Vulgar Says:"Hello"

Fucktard Says: "whose this"

Vulgar Says:"Who are you calling for please"?

Fucktard Says: "I have this number 1-800-xxx-xxxx. What’s it for"?

Vulgar Says:"If you tell me who you are calling for, then I can tell you if you have the wrong number or not"

Fucktard Says: "well is this your number"?

Vulgar Says:"well yeah, I answered it"

Fucktard Says: "well what’s the number for"?

Vulgar Says:"You must have the wrong number"

Fucktard Hangs Up

 

Ok so let me explain why this is bad manners to other fucktards who may be reading this.

 

• You do not call someone and ask who THEY are. You tell them either who YOU are, or you state your fucking purpose for ringing their phone. For example: "Hello is Vulgar there"? or like this: "Hello is this a parasail company"?
• When you retardedly do the above and the person tells you how to have manners and WHY you should approach them in a specific way:. You should listen. In other words I said to the fucktard…. if you state your purpose I can answer you fucking question asshole.
• Don’t dial a damn number if you don’t know what it’s for idiots. Like:. what if you accidentally called the stupidity police and get caught? I can’t imagine ANY person with normal intelligence calling a number just to ask what it is.

 

As an added note :..all toll free numbers record the number you called from. So I checked and I have this fucktards number now. I think I may start calling her every day and doing the same thing to her. I wonder if she’d EVER figure it out.